An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My penis died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr.Goldstein was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like this. Please put your penis back inside your pajamas."
"But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my penis died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.
"Well," he replied, "Today's the viewing."

Labels: Jokes

There's no such thing as a free lunch they say. Although I did go to a corporate evenings entertainment with my friend. We went along to drink beer in the sunshine, chat and eat canapés. And that's exactly what we did for four hours, and yet at no point were we approached by any member of the host firm. We have never bought any product from that firm and if anything we feel less keen on doing so simply because if we continue not to we have a free lunch story which beats what most economists think is going on.

There is another example of "free lunch" economics going on, or rather "something for nothing" which sounds perhaps more palatable and certainly is a more flexible phrase. The comes from two charities, both connected.

The first is a charity called play pump. Their idea is breathtakingly simple. They install a water pump for people who need water in Africa. But they install a childrens playground on top of the water pump and they install this playground next to schools. The simple plan is that when the children are playing on the round about they are, unwittingly, pumping water for everyone. This simple idea is so powerful and fantastic. It really is something for nothing. Their website is here: http://www.playpumps.org/

Also play pump have inspired another charity which is a little bit closer to home. It is a charity called One Water. It's a very strange kind of charity in that they basically just market and sell a product, bottled water, but all of the profits from the sale of the water go to play pump. It's a strange idea similar to the fair trade mark I suppose. But it does make sense. By buying water you are providing water for others. Their website is here: http://www.we-are-one.org.uk/ You can buy this water instead of other water and yet the water you're buying is making a difference. Also something for nothing.

Here is a video about one of their projects, it's about 10 minutes long, but probably worth watching.

Labels: Articles

Two guys are sitting at the bar one is dressed in a ninja outfit the other is wearing a bright yellow chicken outfit. Their masks are sitting on the bar next to them and they are both drinking water.
"I just didn't expect it to be this hot", says the ninja.
"God, you think you're hot?", asks the chicken. His face is bright pink. And huge drops of sweat are running down his hair line. One drops into his water but he doesn't notice. He takes another sip and says, "this tastes salty".
The chicken is looking around a bit while the ninja looks straight ahead. The chicken looks back, "so what? Are you a ninja or what"?
"Yeah that's right".
"so did you make your own costume"?
"Yeah but it's only just a pair of old black pajamas".
"Yeah but what about the mask"
"Yeah but I didn't make that by myself. I just bought that".
"Oh," the chicken looked a bit upset.
"But there is one thing that you do have to deal with that you might not think of"
"Yeah, " the chicken looked like he might be interested again.
"Yeah you've got to remember to deal with the... The... Well I'm not exactly sure what you call it. The hole at the front. For peeing through. You got to remember to tape it up."
"But surely," the chicken pointed out, "when you put your underwear on you'd be fine".
"Yeah, well I thought that and then I thought that as my underwear has the same hole I might get into a pretty embarrassing situation."
"Yeah that's true," said the chicken.

For the first time the Ninja looked over at the chicken and really took him in, and then he said, "so what are you supposed to be".

Labels: Fiction

A man and a woman, who have never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were both tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 a.m., he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied sweetly. "Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married."
"Wow! That’s a great idea!!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own blanket!" After a moment of silence, he farted.

Labels: Jokes

The other day I was talking about Automagic Shock (Automagically), the sudden realisation that you have no idea how the device you are using actually works. The flip side of this is, in many ways, the situations where we miss the realisation of how making something slightly less complicated might make it better.

I have had much experience, and I'm sure many engineers and software developers are the same, that releasing something that kind of works is very dangerous. Because if you release something before it is ready then it can be the hardest thing in the world to convince people to upgrade to the new thing once you've fixed it. This is not the same if the new thing is just the same design but faster or cheaper, in those cases people will happily upgrade. This is specifically in the case where there is a barrier to them getting the new thing.

For example: Consider a toaster. It is very simple but it has problems. What if you want four slices cooking at the same time (then get a four slice toaster), what if you only want to cook two slices once you have a four slice toaster. Or if you have an uneven number of slices. You will no doubt have experienced that if you have only one slice of toast in a toaster then it doesn't really work as well. Only one side of the toast seems to get cooked. Also we know that when we're making toast to be buttered, the second slice of toast gets cold while we're buttering the first slice. The bread is often a different size than the size of the toaster. The bread is often too thin or thick and it's difficult to quantify before you've cooked some what the thickness means in terms of the number on the dial. What about the different needs of different toast eaters - some like lightly brown some burnt. And what about that second set of toast that comes after you've already done one set. The first set needs more time than any of the others because you're heating up the element too.

I'm sure all of these problems and more have been solved in different toasters on the market (I know that there is even a toaster that delays the cooking time of the second slice of toast specifically so that it will finish toasting just after you've finished buttering the first one). But the problem is that people in general think that toast is kind of fine. It's sorted really. And because people want a non-complicated life the maximum complexity that a toaster has is the dial on the front. And maybe the humble toaster doesn't need to get fixed but if it doesn't need to be fixed then why do people keep designing a new toaster?

I didn't know how rubbish my video recorder was until I had a PVR. Once I could simply navigate the television programs and press record and series link I realised how easy the thing was, but before then I always looked down my nose slightly at people who couldn't program the video recorder because to me it seemed like it was so easy that they weren't even trying.

If it had been up to me the video recorder technology would have probably stayed the same forever. But now it's been fixed I love it and realise what an idiot I was being. This problem was solved because real users kept complaining that it was too complicated for long enough. It's very rare that we should require users to come to us, we should always go to them.

All of those people who are designing new toasters are doing it because as geeks they can see an inefficiency. Something that is broken as far as they are concerned. And it doesn't matter to them if something gets more complicated, they just want it to work. The video recorder worked for geeks, they understood it, and there wasn't a single program they couldn't record. But to most real people the situation was the other way around. The toaster is fine, the video recorder is broken.

So what's the next thing that's broken I wonder?

Labels: Articles

An old cowboy sat down at the Star bucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring
calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding
my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As
soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I
think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think
about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of
women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy
and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?! "
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a
lesbian."

Labels: Jokes

Lots of people think that the reason that it is generally women who make telephone announcements is because they have better and clearer voices. And that their voices are more reassuring. And they do, studies have proven this to be the case after the fact. However that's not the reason that women were selected. In fact the reason was far less scientific than that.

Originally the people who were telephone operators were all boys who had previously been employed as telegraph operators. They were ideal for the telegraph service which involved a lot of learning of systematic techniques and running about delivering telegrams (mainly the second thing was the thing they were good at it turns out).

But when they started converting them to work on the telephone system it was soon obvious that they were not very good at working in the new conditions. In the telephone system they had to speak to the punters and ask them what they wanted them to do (rather than simply saying, while out of breath, "telegram for you sir"). And then they would have to connect the right wire into the right socket in an incredibly complicated series of wires. And in amongst all of the wires and the enclosed operating spaces not only were practical jokes a problem for the customers more often the bored boys would break out into fights. And so it was realised that girls were the exact thing for this new service and that perhaps they would be able to understand technology after all. Women have never looked back, whereas boys well they're still fighting over the latest gadgets.

Labels: Articles

Walking through the woods and we see no path. No sense of direction. We're lost and we both know it. We kind of have an idea of which way we thought we were going - in general. But it's difficult now to exactly remember. The things in the way: logs, shrubs and odd abandoned fences seem to have made us turn around just to walk in a straight line.

I'm confident one moment and disheartened the next. We suddenly realise that the way we're going is starting to be pretty steeply downhill. And we start asking each other if we're sure we're going the right way. And of course we're not. We stop for a second and look back. Everything behind us looks familiar and we agree that we've already tried all of those directions so at least this might be something. We walk down and suddenly we see a path rather than the endless miles of bracken. A real worn path where people have been. It only seems to go in one direction and I start to say how odd it is that something could be so warn by so many people for so long as to make this path but that they all just stopped walking here when I realise how odd it sounds. I leave some of the words stuck in my mouth and just let that shiver of a thought run down my back.

We get to the path and turn right onto it. And now we're walking, we feel like there might be something ahead. A way out, a way through. We are now both sure thought that this isn't the way. It's at an angle to the way that we want to go. But it's sort of in the right direction. It's sort of worth while. But the main thing at this point is that we both just want to get out of the woods before it starts getting dark. There are already shadows in the thicker bits of the wood and there are noises which would have sounded sweet and interesting earlier which now sound a little bit too echoey in the dimming light.

We keep walking and to our relief the woods around us seem to be getting more ordered. As though there is something designed about them. That man has influenced what is going on here. Perhaps we have reached civilisation at last. As we turn a corner on the path we are suddenly presented with a set of massive redwoods lining the path. They tower above us and as we keep walking we suddenly realise that there are no noises any more. The woods have gone very quiet. In between the trees we can see one patch of sky ahead of us, and as I look up at it I see across it a strike of forked lightning and it starts to pour with rain.

Labels: Fiction

And the bartender shouts at him, "you can not bring that dog in here".
The man says back, "hey this is my guide dog".

And the bartender apologises profusely and even buys him a drink on the house.

A little while later another guy comes in with a Chihuahua, but before the guy gets to the bar the first guy spots him and says, "hey buddy the bartender won't let you bring that dog in here unless you say it's a guide dog".

Sure enough when the new guy gets to the bar, the bartender says "you can not bring that dog in here".
The man says, "but this is my guide dog".
But the bartender is not having any of it, "They do not have Chihuahuas as guide dogs".
But the guy, quick as a flash answers back, "What? They gave me a Chihuahua!"

Labels: Jokes

How do things that we think of as magic become technology? When does the mysticism of the old become the reliability of the new. And if I don't know how a mobile telephone actually works… don't I believe in magic too? Arthur C. Clarke once said: "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic".

I really like technology, gadgets and the like. I don't always have the newest and latest thing, but I do like to get the word out when I find something that is actually really good. And as part of my fascination in this area I tend to know quite a lot about how the thing actually works. Not necessarily the nuts and bolts, but at a conceptual level I have an idea of how a thing works.

But like most people I don't say things like "well I can't have this in my house unless I know how it works". I don't have to have a working knowledge of something before I will be willing to let it in the house. Some things I know a lot about, some not much.

For example I could explain to you at length how a Microwave oven works, but I don't really know much about how a mobile phone works other than it uses microwaves to send a signal somewhere. Realisation about things like this come to you from time to time. The other month I was a passenger in a car in England talking to a person on a mobile phone who was in America and who was able to tell better than I was what the traffic situation was a mile up the road because they were looking on the internet for that information and relaying it to me over the phone. The oddness of this situation occurred to me instantly. And I realised that I didn't really understand how all of the things connecting me to this information actually work. I had a bout of what I refer to as "Automagic Shock". A moment of realisation that what I'm doing could just as well be magic, and yet every single bit of it is explainable, somebody does know how all of the separate bits of this thing work, I just have faith that they do.

I wonder if the situation is exacerbated by me knowing some of how it works? In that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I wonder if people that I know who claim to hate technology ever get such a feeling?

The other day I got a call from a friend who said, "I'm really sorry but I just had to ask for your help with my computer - I just really hate technology". Obviously it didn't occur to them that they were using technology to make the telephone call. That they used sophisticated technology in their car, mobile phone, washing machine and so on every day without any problems at all. Because these technologies have achieved that great feat of stopping from being a nebulous bit of technology and have succeeded in becoming a thing in their own right. Computers are slowly but surely trying to move that way, but the problem for a computer is that it is specifically designed to not be proscriptive. The proscriptive "word processors" and "adding machines" were not versatile enough, but while computers have taken the trade-off to become more versatile what they are effectively doing is allowing the computer to surprise us. But the fact that the computer can surprise is both good and bad, it means that somebody can show us a new program like "Google Earth" which makes you really go "Wow" my old computer can do that! But it also means that your computer can surprise you by saying to you "Stack Error Memory Dump".

I think that's the difference between technology and devices. Even though my new phone doesn't just make telephone calls it cannot surprise me because on the very first day I got it I knew all of the things it could do: take calls, photos, send e-mail, browse the internet. I might not have used all of those features on day one, but I'm not going to suddenly get a surprise in a while by discovering that the thing can make toast.

And I think that's the difference, we're more likely to get automagic shock from a device then a bit of technology because it slips in under the radar without us asking how it actually works.

Labels: Articles

And they were completely lost.

"I thought," said the giraffe, "elephants were supposed to have good memories".
"I know, I know," said the elephant, "but then why do you think I'm hanging around with you none of the other elephants like me because of my poor memory."

Just then the elephant saw a tortoise on a log, ran up to it and kicked it all the way across the river.

The giraffe said, "why on earth did you do that"?

"Well," said the elephant, "26 years ago that tortoise bit me on the shin and I've never forgiven it".
"Wait a minute," said the giraffe, "I thought you were supposed to have a terrible memory but you can remember a single tortoise from 26 years ago".
"Yeah I might have a rubbish memory usually, but I've got turtle recall".

Labels: Jokes

In an article (Kingdom of God) the other day I spoke about what I thought was the way that Christianity and Islam isn't that different in what people are striving for and that the thing that people are striving for, for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways, was for a sense of satisfaction. An increase in a sense of peace and a reduction in a sense of guilt.

This I suggested sounded to me like Buddhism and it does. The idea of Nirvana is not a far off heaven it is a state of mind that one can enter here on earth only when you have understood how to make your actions not affect the world. And you can only reach true Nirvana at death on the last time you die when you won't be reborn.

The problem with religions, especially for non-religious people like me, is that really the greatest bits of philosophical reality are often obscured by some hocus-pocus gobbledygook.

Buddhism has become popular in the west, but particularly a brand of Buddhism which is almost areligious. People simply take the concepts of nirvana and karma and detach them from the rest of the religion.

I'm always surprised that Hinduism wasn't the religion that this happened to. In many ways Hinduism is the most open religion. It accepts scripture from other religions and is still continuing to learn about the world. It has some great world view concepts, like the idea that that truth is a conceptual reality just as gravity is. Gravity existed before people described it and truth existed before people tested it.

And of course the point of Hinduism is that over time you will enter the state of Jivan-mukta and will achieve "perfect mental peace and a freedom from worldly desires".

There have always been three areas that religion dealt with in society. The questions relating to where do we come from which science have taken over for many. The questions relating to what we are allowed to do which government has taken over for many. The questions relating to how we feel inside ourselves which psychologists are trying to take over for many. However the problem is that this third area is only dealt with by psychologists when people realise they have a specific problem. And philosophers while dealing with general issues also tend to be some of the most self-reflective individuals around. They seem to care little with making their ideas practical. Perhaps this is the area that Religion can claim in the modern world.

The idea that all people want to fell better and less guilty, and that this is not achievable through hedonism. That we all want to overcome Jihad, enter the Kingdom of God, reach Nirvana or become Jivan-mukta. Or simply be.

Labels: Articles

The salt skittered across the kitchen counter and mingled with the rosemary and pepper that were already lying there - spoils of cooking. The chicken looked pale next to the black roasting tin, but soon would be coloured by the oil and spices that were being prepared in a small mortar. The pestle is rammed in and the herbs give up their essential oils. The mess around the preparation area builds as more boards are used and things are chopped.

Jenny stops adding to it for a second and decides to clear down her station. Even though this is her own kitchen in her own house she still thinks of it as a station in a fancy restaurant that she wishes she ran. Michael is watching the football in the living room and the sound is way up. He won't be able to hear her. She walks over to the kitchen door and closes it a bit more.

She takes a swig of her Sauvignon Blanc and starts to commentate, just audibly. "It is always important to keep your station clear. Although don't worry too much if you make a mess as you're going along. After all this is supposed to be fun. But do try and not to let it get too far away from you." She finished wiping down the counter with a paper towel and threw it in the bin.

"Now what you need to do is make sure your hands are good and clean because we're going to rub the suffusion we've made onto the chicken skin."

Just as she's saying this the door opens, Michael walks in and starts rummaging around in the fridge for another beer. "Who were you talking to"? He wants to know.

"Nobody," says Jenny.

Labels: Fiction

And orders a drink, and leaves without paying.

One of the other customers says to the barman, "hey how come he didn't have to pay?"

And the bartender says, "oh with him there's no charge".

Labels: Jokes

In Formula 1 (no wait this is a crossover story come back) there are two different competitions going on the Drivers championship and the Constructors championship. And both are supposed to be equal. But everyone knows that really it is the driver's championship that is most important.

The way that you can see that codified is that the number 1 is given to the driver who wins the drivers championship above whether he's driving for the team that won the constructor's championship. So if Alonso who currently races for Renault but is moving to McLaren wins the drivers championship and Renault win the constructors championship then he will have the number 1 on his McLaren next year. And to keep things neat his team-mate will have the number 2 even though there's a good chance he'll have never driven in a grand prix before. In this case the two Renault drivers would be number 3 and 4 (because other than the world champion it always goes in constructors championship order).

But what happens if as could still happen Michael Schumacher wins the Drivers championship. He won't be racing next year. Well in this case they do something rather bizarre. To preserve the importance of the Number 1 they don't give it to anyone, but to keep the evenness they use a 0. So if Michael wins the world championship and retires then whichever team wins the constructors championship will have a 0 and a 2.

It seems such an odd thing, but it's exactly the kind of random crazy rules that make following formula 1 such a joy. You can think of the most impossibly bizarre situation and somebody will have already thought of it and made a rule about it. For example what happens if Michael Schumacher and Fernando Alonso get the same number of points? Well in that case the person who won the most races wins. But what if they have won the same number of races? Well then it is the person who came second the most number of times. It's all kind of logical but at the same time kind of crazy. And that's why I love it.

For more formula one stuff, check out http://www.sofaf1.com

Labels: Articles

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is
absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new
audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and
shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord.
Amazed that this guy knows about Stevie's varied early jazz career, the
Blind impresario starts to play variations on an E minor scale and then
goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes
the whole place goes wild.

The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord,
play a Jazz chord". Despite getting a bit cross with this guy, Stevie,
being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz
improvisation with his band around the tricky B-flat minor chord and
really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu
show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play A
jazz chord". Well Stevie is really annoyed now that this little guy
doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability so he says to him from
the stage: "OK smartie pants - you get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the
microphone and starts to sing:

"A jazz chord ... to say ... I ruv you"

Labels: Jokes

When I speak to smart Christians and ask them about Heaven I sometimes ask them if they believe that there really can be such a place. Some of them do believe in Heaven as a place, and then find themselves getting twisted around in all kinds of problems of semantics as they try and describe what it's actually like.

Try asking them if they believe there can be such a concept as free will in heaven. They will suggest that you can do anything you want in heaven. Then ask them what would happen if you did something bad. Then they will nod wisely and say that if you were the kind of person who wanted to do something bad then you wouldn't be allowed into heaven. Then ask them about things that don't seem bad at the time but turn out to have been bad later - accidents and so on. And they will tell you that they don't think that you can make mistakes in heaven. Then suggest that when you're making a decision in heaven that you always somehow know what the right thing to do is. And they say "yes, that's exactly it, you always know the right thing to do". And then you ask them how that tallies with Free Will. They love you for this and always invite you back to their parties (for more fun ask them how many times they plan to play golf in heaven and what they like about golf - they'll soon realise that challenge and doing something an infinite number of times is something that doesn't quite square).

But a lot of smart Christians describe the "Kingdom of God" which is all the bible says about Heaven really as more of a state of mind. Something that you can achieve right here on earth. Yes that's right they think that "Heaven is a place on earth". But more seriously the idea is that through doing good things and living well you will achieve a sense of peace and wellbeing which is enables you to be one of God's subjects. Basically brining together feeling good and feeling guilty as being the punishments and rewards for a good life. It might sound an awful lot like Buddhism to you (and me) but that's the general idea.

I have another question that I ask to smart Muslim's I know. I try and find out about the idea of Jihad. And while many will talk about the issues that most westerners will know about. The idea that Jihad is a struggle against the oppressors of Islam and the idea that Jihad is something that is specifically written into their religion that extols them to offer conversion to non-believers or death. Which is not really true, or its no more true than the way that the Jewish and Christian traditions demand the same. There is an element of interpretation to all of these things.

But the smart Muslim's I know also talk about what they see as the more important part of Jihad, what to them Jihad is really about. It is the idea that the struggle for most Muslims is within themselves. The idea that their own passions and heart want them to do things that they know is wrong, and they must struggle against those impulses to be better Muslims. The idea that there is good and evil in each person and that by making the correct choices they will be happier or feel guilty is a large part of what Jihad means to them. And if that sounds a bit like Buddhism to you (and me) then, well I can't really argue with that.

Labels: Articles

"Grave thoughts in the yard, while I think of you.
"My body disintegrates without you, soul fled already.
"I must put you from my mind.
"I try not to slip into a sleepy haze but without you I have nothing to focus on.
"No light reflected from your eyes to keep me awake.
"No repetitive heartbeat to keep my own heart trained in the art of beating.
"What will I do without you?
"Your kiss was you blowing breath into me. Without it I cannot exhale."

Labels: Fiction

She was afraid someone would Caesar.

Labels: Jokes

I'm currently working on a novel which I wish was taking up all of my time. But of course there are a million and one other things that I end up doing instead of writing a bit of it every day. One of the most difficult things to do while writing a novel is "get on with it". The actual business of starting writing each time is the one that is the most tricky. Once started I tend to write a lot, but the main problem is throwing your cap over the wall.*

But one of the most complicated things for me is writing this blog. I want to use all of the writing time that I have for the novel. But then what about the good readers of the blog. And what about myself? I can't use all of my writerly thoughts in the novel, some of the stories don't fit, some of the ideas aren't right. So what to do? I must keep up with the blog simply to let those ideas fall out.

Now all I have to do is reduce some of the other stuff that I get up to to try and increase my writing time!

* Frank O'Connor or JFK or both seem to have told the story of young Irish men who would be running through the forest and would come across a wall. When they came across such a wall they would through their caps over the wall so that they had no choice but to climb it.

Labels: Articles

The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen."
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
And the man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold that monkey for you."

Labels: Jokes

To keep the mood nice and light. And that's obviously something that people have done with jokes since they were invented. In fact there were even jokes during Hitler's time in power in Germany. Obviously telling such jokes was a huge act of defiance in some ways, but even the authorities realised that it was important for people to let off steam.

Here are some of the jokes from that time:

Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a man who isn't saluting.
"Why aren't you saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," comes the answer. "I'm not crazy!"

Hitler and Göring are standing on top of Berlin's radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to cheer up the people of Berlin. "Why don't you just jump?" suggests Göring.

"A senior Nazi visits a factory and asks the manager whether he still has Social Democrats among his workforce.
"Yes, 80 percent," comes the reply.
"Do you also have members of the Catholic Center Party?" "Yes, 20 percent," the manager responds.
"Don't you have any National Socialists?"
"Yes we're all Nazis now!"

"Göring has attached an arrow to the row of medals on his tunic. It reads 'continued on the back.'"

The German army HQ receives news that Mussolini's Italy has joined the war.
"We'll have to put up 10 divisions to counter him!" says one general.
"No, he's on our side," says another.
"Oh, in that case we'll need 20 divisions."

"What will you do after the war?"
"I'll finally go on a holiday and will take a trip round Greater Germany!"
"And what will you do in the afternoon?"

And what of the Jewish people who were being persecuted?

A Jewish joke from the time:
"Two Jews are about to be shot. Suddenly the order comes to hang them instead. One says to the other "You see, they're running out of bullets."

Two men meet. "Nice to see you're free again. How was the concentration camp?"
"Great! Breakfast in bed, a choice of coffee or chocolate, and for lunch we got soup, meat and dessert. And we played games in the afternoon before getting coffee and cakes. Then a little snooze and we watched movies after dinner."
The man was astonished: "That's great! I recently spoke to Meyer, who was also locked up there. He told me a different story."
The other man nods gravely and says: "Yes, well that's why they've picked him up again."

The thing about these jokes is that it really personalises the horror of Hitler's Germany. And also points to the idea that the German people really didn't become brainwashed zombies. They became frightened of speaking out against their undemocratic leaders. The same thing that happened in Stalin's Russia. "I was just following orders" is obviously never an excuse. But being able to see the human side of the opposition is always important.

All of these jokes and many more are featured in a new book called "Heil Hitler, The pig is dead". There's an article about it here

Labels: Articles, Jokes