I keep an awful lot of things in my pockets. But while my coat might be heavy my trousers appear to have prolapsed.

In fact this is a terrifically difficult business because while shopping for clothes my trousers will often consider running away. UI can hear them talking about it they just don't know I can.

So imagine the scene. I am in the changing room trying on a new pair.

New: I look so fine. Fine! Yowser.
Old: Not for long mate.
New: What? Who said that?
Old: I did. His old pair of trousers, down here on the floor.
New: Oh hi there. Don't I look good. I look good don't I.
Old: Yes you do. Of course you do now. But just think what you'll be like once he uses your pocket.
New: Pockets? Who cares about that? I'm a utility pair of finely crafted sexy pants.
Old: Look at this...
New: Ouch? Have you prolapsed?
Old: Looks that way.
New: And... he... did this to you?
Old: Yes. Yes he did.
New: Oh no! What am I going to do?
Old: You must save yourself. Look unattractive. Bulge where you should cling. Chafe where you should be diaphanous.
New: I can't.
Old: You can.
New: No I'm cut from a different cloth than you. My construction was just too good.
Old: But you must. Do you want to end up looking like me.
New: I can't you go on! Save yourself. I'm doomed.
Old: I can't leave you here.
New: You must.
Old: I can't.
New: You must.
Old: Okay I'll try.

And just when I hear this I scoop my old pair up into my arms and walk out of this shop wearing my new ones. After transferring the contents of my pockets first of course.